You only get one chance to raise your kids. The good news is that you have time to do it and everyone has periods of trial and error while raising a family. Children have challenges and some are easier to guide through life than others. Each child is unique so, one rule in many cases can not apply to all. Each child is motivated by different things. The best way to get on the right track is to be a positive role model. Your children are watching you. This should give you a feeling of empowerment not fear. They are not waiting to catch you making mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. What they will learn is the example that you set while resolving issues that you are faced with. This will help them learn to be accountable and responsible. Life presents every human being with challenges and being a positive problem solver will help your child be successful in whatever they may choose to do.
Teach Cooperation – Mary Poppins said it perfectly “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.”
The best way to get your children to cooperate is to make it fun! You can make a cleanup a race against time by using the kitchen timer. You can let them add a bit of food coloring to the water to the tune of their favorite color when they wash the dishes. Point out that you all create a lot of laundry and count everything together as you fold it. These activities are actually teaching your children basic life skills.
Communicating on what you think about your child’s behavior is a must.
You must shape your child’s behavior, approval and disapproval is an effective way of doing this. It is so important to make sure that you are clear that it is the behavior being addressed and not the child. Instead of saying “your are a naughty boy. Why did you do that?” You could say ” what you did was very naughty and you should not do it again because…” What you are doing is showing disapproval of a behavior and not assassinating the child’s personally.
Build High Self Esteem.
You can make your children do things out of fear of punishment or pain, but they won’t learn much more from that then how to be a bully. It will not encourage self discipline and high self esteem. A parent needs to be a positive role model and show self control, non violence and respect for their children’s feelings. When children feel loved, respected and you set clear boundaries, in most cases, they will want to please you.
Everyone makes mistakes. No one likes to lose face, so admitting that you have made a mistake can be difficult but essential for the learning process. Help your child save face by saying things like ” that spilled because it was too heavy for you, next time ask for help.” If your child forgets to do something point it out to them and ask them to do it but add “never mind, we all forget to do things sometimes.”
Don’t make them feel stupid.
Don’t harp on a mistake that they have made.
Point out when they get things right and do a good job.
Cuddle them often.
Tell that how very much you love them often.
Pay genuine compliments to them.
Do not tease them about their weaknesses or shortcomings.
Pat is the creator of the ‘I Can Do It’ family planner. She is a mother of four. Pat gives parenting seminars and family coaching. The program/planner is a fun and interactive family & school management solution which uses tried and trusted practical strategies and tools to teach your children life-skills, as well as social values.